“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. (C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed).” 

I have never been good at letting in; I am doubly as poor at letting go.

My mom says when I was a toddler, I would cry when the saltine crackers she gave me broke and I couldn’t put them back together again.  I also used to hang on to them forever, carrying them around with me when they were way beyond edible.  I am sure those behaviors lend insight into why I am like I am today.  I hate it when things break, and I really struggle with letting go, even though what I am hanging on to is broken and beyond repair, be it a broken bat, a broken computer, or a broken friendship.

Which also explains why I am so poor at letting in.  If you let someone into your life, you ultimately will  have to let them go.

But if you don’t accept the letting go and letting others in, you can’t love or be loved.  And we all need love.  That’s just the deal.