It’s about 12:40 on Tuesday.  I am surprised the morning has gone so quickly.  I struggle to feel like I am getting much accomplished today. I ate lunch around 11:30.  I feel anxious today.  I cannot seem to find continuity day by day, where I wake up and pick up in my goals and pursuits from where I left off the day before.  I have a short list of goals I’d like to accomplish, but I gain little ground on those because I am mired in the tasks of daily living.

And for whatever reason, my heart will not let go of the dream and the relationship that apparently never really was.  The dream, I let take root in my heart, and so the hurt from that is my fault, my creation.  The friendship was pretty real, though, and now it has become simply disposable.  I have mourned this non-relationship longer than I have most lost friendships in my life.  I wish understood what I did wrong.  Or didn’t do right.  And yet, I really just come back in prayer to God to help me know that I am alright, regardless of whether someone I care about rejects me or not.  Why I struggle with rejection so much, I don’t know.  Well, in truth, I am just struggling heavily with this particular rejection.  It’s tough being disposable to someone to whom you’ve put out your heart.

But God asks us to go on.  To let go of the hurt, the hopes, the hangup.  “Look around you and sow kindness and care where you are.  Just be a glove on my hand- and let me use you.  Throw your misgivings on me, and put yourself out there for those around you again.  You were made to love.  You may not always be loved, but stick with me, seek my will, and serve me, and you will find fulfillment.  I’ll take care of you.”  So say God- Love himself. Trust, reach out, keep seeking His will.

Okay, Lord.  Keep me plugged into my day and my work.