I lost grip on keeping up the blog daily yesterday. I was so tired last night I thought I would be able to recall day 5 today, and day 6 has had a slew of memories all of its own. I have a horrible memory, and have lost some of day 5. I’ll remember what I can.

Day 5 was a great day for us, the construction team, in terms of productivity. We got all but one of the cieling zones covered with panel grids, and a start on getting panels into grids. As a group, we worked a long day (from 9:30 to 7) and felt very gratified by our progress. Because it was a work day, we came back to the lodge for the evening and debriefed in a long extended session.

After debriefing, I talked to Dee for a bit about life concerns, and then I went to bed. I was tired. A number of people stayed up until 1:30 or so, though, playing cards. On a group level the day was great.

On a personal level, the trip has been rewarding and rich, but in some ways an exacerbation of my inadequacies and a highlighting of my insufficiencies. Everyone in the group has been gracious and good to work with, but I was struggling before coming here with competency and confidence issues, and the last few days have been isolating. A central interest of any mission trip is to give life and encouragement to others through the sharing of faith. I have felt lost among everyone here despite their kindness, which is more a statement about where my geart is these days. I have felt more neurotic and insecure in the last few months than I have during most of the rest of my life, and unfortunately, it is an insecurity which seems to reproduce itself.

All I know is that this heart of mine needs a lot of work.