• Toes In

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    When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
    ~ I Corinthians 13:11

    It’s funny that this verse has been on my mind the last week or so. I am 49, running headlong toward 50, but the truth is, people mature at different ages, and while some may mature prematurely, some also may not mature at all.

    After a long, long period of not attending church, I decided this week it was time to go back, if, for anything, to reconnect my life to the gospel I have cherished since I was a teen, and to also be involved serving others somewhere again.

    I am going to be gentle with myself. I have some frustrations and some anger at negative aspects of church life I experienced at Sagebrush that I will let myself work through. I will allow myself to attend a church or churches with casual consistency, but recognizing that what I really need is to be hearing the gospel message where the Holy Spirit can work in my life. I won’t be concerned about having to serve in some high capacity. I will allow myself to not have to be or become super friendly with everyone I meet where I visit. I don’t have to be what others think I should be. But I should try to hear and become what He wants me to be.

    And the Christian commission remains as necessary as always: you have to love. But by His help.

    What I need to do is to find myself again in Him, and not worry about what people think of me any more. I have spent so much of my life trying to please others, and trying to be what I thought would make them like me. You can still serve others, and not have to please them.

    What I need to do is to dedicate myself to loving others, but also being me.

    So I visited New Covenant Church today, which is a stone’s throw from my home across Paseo del Norte.

    I enjoyed the service. I felt I could be anonymous to an extent and just attend the service with my eyes and my ears and my heart. There are some familiar faces there. But I am not close to anyone there. The sermon was simple, but sufficient.

    What I do know is that when I left the sanctuary after the service, I did feel like I missed Him.

    Him.

    He was at one time my center and my sincere rock, my guide and my ground when I was trying to find my way in life as a younger man. I found peace and purpose and compassion when I strove to live my life in and through Him.

    I’ve been my old self, fearful and angry at a lot about life, for a while now. I was a stronger person back then.

    Back when.

    About

    A web programmer by day, I somehow still spend a lot of time thinking about relationships, God, and the significance of grace and love in daily events. I am old school in the sense that I believe in the reality of sin, and in the need of each human heart for deliverance to the Divine. I am one of those who believes that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that you can find most answers to life's pressing issues in Him and His Word, the Bible. I ain't perfect, and a lot of the time I ain't good, but by God's grace and kindness, I am forgiven and free.

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