I have been posting single photos from the Utah trip the last week and some as an easy out, I reckon.

It’s been easier than sitting down and trying to string words together, which is really more of the right reason to have a blog- to convey insights and information about one’s life and life stuff.

I like sharing the pictures, for sure. Clearly, that impulse is what led my family to get me a ticket for the Kanab Conference.

But here, the photos, while each worth a thousand words, actually say little from me, except that I was somewhere.

I love it when I am out and away.

I love it not only because I love seeing new places and being filled by the beauty in nature, but I also love it because it takes me away from what I know more of regularly day-by-day.

A state of paralysis in my life.

When I am home, walking through each day, I can loudly here the ticking of the clock on the wall, and I sense the passing of time, and yet my mind continues oft disengaged, tangled in anxieties that swarm me about, well, my everyday life.

It is a life lived largely in a vacuum.

Each day I think about what I would love to have in my life-what I would like my life to be- and then I think about what it is, and the gulf between the two is too large. When I have a hard enough time managing my daily chores and I wander off in my head to some blissful alternate reality, coming back to present feels like being buried under a mountain. And the daily chores remain undone.

And the basic tasks I know I could and should do to just nudge me a little further away from where I don’t want to be should themselves be doable. But again the grand picture teases me, and my will to do most anything fades.

I would like to think it would be different if I had a spouse, or had a family. I am very mutually motivated, when my efforts can support or benefit others. I don’t know how have a deeper relationship with most people though, which has made such relationships not happen.

And so, left on my own with my life meaning in a vacuum, I get paralyzed- about how to spend time, about what I should be doing for myself, or for my future, or for my posterity.

Without a family, there’s no point of posterity anyways. And a thinning to the relevance of personal meaning.

So I look forward to my random weekend getaways, where I can take a camera and snap pictures of pretty things, and let that become a good escape to what I experience at home- of my own making.

Seemingly, life in a vacuum.

Which, in turn, makes it challenging;enging to find interesting things for my blanched mind to write about.

It’s a lame logic, but it is what it is- until I can change it.

But still, pictures are nice.