Been a while since I posted anything, but I came across this song, and its lyrics tackled me- to the point I might have shed a tear or two.

Particularly bruised was the old compliant part of my heart that, forever wearing the “good kid” mask, has otherwise long struggled to find a place where it was okay for me to really let others in, or to be able to clearly say “I am not alright.”

I still war internally with being that pleasing person, and at this point I fear I always will- and midlife has reminded me that the gains of living superficially are grandly hollow as time passes.

I love how Kelsea in this song offers permission, if needed, for people pretending to be all together and polished to drop the facade, and by doing so, to find help and health, and better futures for themselves.

Living to the externalities, playing perfect, aren’t worth it when you realize they lock you up and hide you from people- people who really love you, and people who probably would really love you, if they could just know you- and worse, lock you up from being fully yourself, flaws, faults, cracks, crud, and all.

“Yeah, what if I told you the sky wouldn’t fall?
If you lost your composure, said to hell with it all
Not everything pretty sparkles and shines
And even the homecoming queen cries”

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

― Timothy Keller

“What if I told you the world wouldn’t end
If you started showing what’s under your skin?
What if you let ’em all in on the lie?
Even the homecoming queen cries”